First off, let me say welcome home to your husbands (especially the recent return of those who came back from a deployment in Afghanistan only to turn around less than a month later and deploy to Haiti). I understand you have missed your husbands terribly. In order to prepare for his homecoming, I am sure you have spent countless hours at the tanning bed, nail salon and gym so that you are putting your best foot forward at the reunion. Your cell phone has been glued to your hip as you await news of when you can go pick him up. You might have even attended one of those sign decorating parties with the other wives. Since you are a Semper Faithful Marine Wife, you would never stoop so low to just order a custom made sign online. No... you have made sacrifices dammit and spending a few more hours painting a welcome home sign with members of your Family Readiness Group while gossiping about how fat the Company Gunny's wife has gotten is no great hardship.
Just please, please, PLEASE don't do this:
I realize you haven't gotten laid in a few months. I know you are horny as hell. Go to Adam & Eve and buy a new toy, send your hubby a sexy email where you detail exactly how you plan to make him scream like a girl... just do it privately. There is no need for your husband's buddies, Commanding Officer and anyone else who drives down Highway 24 to see that you plan to fuck your husband's brains out the moment he gets home. It is tacky. Go ahead and make a banner... but a simple "I missed you. Welcome Home" will suffice.
Sincerely,
Viva J-Vegas (and 90% of Jacksonville's population)
haha I saw this poster too I was thinking the same thing
ReplyDeleteThis blog is hysterical! I'm a Marine wife, and have been offended and entertained by all of your posts! You've got "J-Vegas" down to a T. I've been here for 4 years and cannot wait to leave in July. This has got to be the worst place on the planet, and you've called it, and all its residents out like the rest of us want to do! Keep up the good work ;)
ReplyDeleteCourtney - I have yet to receive a death threat from you so I guess I have offended you enough.
ReplyDeleteI have one to top the sign. Some wife has on her back glass 2, count them 2, pink EGA circle stickers (the kind that usually say something like "MY Daddy Fights for Our Freedom) that says "Sexually Deprived for Your Freedom". All I could think of was, classy....but only in the hooker/stripper sense.
ReplyDeleteI don't live there, I'm just north of you. But I can relate, as a Marine Wife, a woman with her own rank(as an intel weenie too) so reading your posts are hilarious.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the Camp LeJeune comments, I went to high school with a member of his family. Guess how they pronounced it? Hint: There was no R anywhere.
When we got back from Operation Desert Stroke there was no parade for K 3/2 like we expected--there were parades for others, that got us excited, but not for us--the press would never know we were alive (which made sense because we did nothing for the war); with all the honor we could muster, we had to assemble in the hangar-bay of the USS La Moure County LST-1194--you don't want to be in the hangar bay of any ship unless you have a fondness for the stench of sewage, grease, oil, things that leak and a love of the dark, then it's for you.
ReplyDeleteAfter assembling there like cattle being smuggled, we got on to what were probably school buses (it's been awhile, so I've forgotten) although I'm fairly certain we went to kick some serious ass in yellow school buses from the Lejeune barracks to Morehead City. Who knows why they just didn't jam a few school buses on ship like they did everything else, the point of this post being hoes we encountered--we encountered none during the deployment but after getting back to the world they were like roaches around a dumpster, and about as sexy.
As we left by bus from Morehead City, nasty hoes aplenty all wanted a piece of us along the way--they had hickeys and crap on their necks--they were walking obscenities who had apparently not been violated enough already by the time we "disembarked." Everyone, though, planned on getting their POV out of storage and hauling-butt back to Morehead City for sloppy dozens but like everything else, such promises to our fans were only dreams--the infantry is notoriously lazy aw