The Ville That Puts the Action In Jackson

Welcome to Jacksonville, NC, a lovely little slice of heaven near the coast of North Carolina (although the flashing lights of the local Pawn and Gun, the snarl of traffic on Western Blvd. resulting from drivers from all 50 states bringing their bad habits with them and the signs beckoning you in to the dark recesses of a bar for midget wrestling may often lead to confusion that you have stumbled in to one of Dante's circles of hell instead).

Poor Jacksonville. It is saddled with several unflattering nicknames: J-ville, JAX, J-Actionville, and this writer's personal favorite, J-Vegas. Try Googling it and see how often it gets mistaken for its much larger cousin of the same name in Florida. This inferiority reeks from every pore of the town like a science nerd on his first date. Jacksonville is an oversexed teen aged boy with an identity crisis.

It has its local population, emphatically claiming it as OUR TOWN DAMMIT!!! There are the old land rich Southern families who attempt Southern gentility by hitting the links at the country club and throwing their daughters in to the cotillion circuit. Do a 180 degree turn and find the trailer park trash walking around Wal-Mart in their finest blaze orange and munching on pork rinds. The bond that bridges the socio-economic gap of both sides? The commonly held (mis)belief that Jacksonville would be a successful commercial fishing town even without nearby Camp Lejeune and New River Air Station. They don't need the military for anything.... except on the 1st and 15th of the month, when payday funds hit.

You can't talk about Jacksonville, NC without mentioning Camp Lejeune and New River. Tens of thousands of Marines and sailors, many of them bringing spouses. Not sure if it is something in the water or due to the free military medical, but they are baby making factories. Car dealers around here make bank selling mini-vans and SUVs just so families can load up their biologically produced fire teams in them.

Then there are the single Marines. Several years ago, Cosmopolitan magazine listed Jacksonville, NC and some podunk fishing outpost in Alaska as the two best places to find a husband. A quick peek at Wiki confirms that Jacksonville, NC boasts an almost 2:1 ratio in favor of the ladies. Median age is 22.9. Picture poor Cosmo readers making a pilgrimage to this town only to discover bars packed with heavily tattooed jarheads who charmingly chant "No balls!" to bait women in to shooting Jagerbombs, dry hump their legs and then offer them a chance to do the barracks walk of shame in the next morning's harsh light while he high-fives his buddies. And they say chivalry is dead.

Not to say Jacksonville is all bad. There are some really nice people here. It is close to the beach which makes it pretty boss in my book. Dig deep and there are actually quite a few fun and unique things to do. We even have a hometown hero who ninja kicks on the corner of Western Blvd. and Hwy 17, never failing to brighten my day (Radio!) This blog won't be all negative. I will try to point out the good with the bad... but mostly the arcane, ridiculous and annoying. Jacksonville has plenty to offer on all sides of the spectrum.

Many dear readers may be wondering just who the hell I am. Well... I live in Jacksonville. That's enough. It doesn't matter if I am male or female, military or townie, married or single. I am aiming for anonymity (mostly due to the death threats I hope to receive when I start skewering the chicks with the "Half my heart is in..." bumper stickers).

Feel free to comment and leave me critiques, encouragment, tips and even death threats. Until then... Viva J-Vegas!