The Backpack Mafia
Their ranks consist of young Marines without wheels. Itching to get off the base, they descend upon Jacksonville in droves by piling in to a Tarheel Taxi that they are splitting the fare with their buddies. The Backpack Mafia receives its name from the backpacks they wear strapped to their backs, loaded down with changes of clothes and a toothbrush (you know... just in case some toothless stripper has a sitter for her four children that night and invites him back to her lovely trailer park home), Ipods, a few energy drinks and room to spare for whatever spoils of war they might pick up that weekend. The Backpack Mafia can be distiguished by their fresh High and Stupid haircuts, Tapout t-shirts and... oh... what's this?... a military issue web belt or pair of Birth Control Goggles? Way to proclaim your greenhorn status there!
No worries. The Tarheel Taxi driver will kindly drop them off at their first stop, The Jacksonville Mall, where the misled youth can pick up a new belt at such choice stores as American Eagle, Aeropostale or (for the more adventerous ones) Hot Topic or head over to Sears Optical for some new frames. After catching a movie and a bite to eat at Red Robin, most Backpack Mafia will move on the Barnes & Nobles to get a Starbucks coffee and make failed attempts at picking up on a Sergeant Major's sixteen year old daughter.
Tiring of these activities, the Backpack Mafia makes its slow descent down Western Blvd., stopping at Skin Art to contemplate getting a sweet new tribal USMC tattoo, running in to other Backpack Mafia members who heard about a bitching party at the Sunset Inn and stopping at Hooters to oogle some other Marine's wives wearing orange hot pants.
Sunday usually finds the Backpack Mafia sitting dejectedly on the curb of Wal-Mart after picking up some essential odds and ends, stuffed with Taco Bell or Waffle House chow and waiting for the Tarheel Taxi to return them to base. Poor kids.
This is hilarious and so true!!
ReplyDeleteIf Court Street was still open they'd be there instead, conveniently cashing their checks @ .30 because everyone does that--it's so easy, it's right there, all you have to do is take a cab to Court Street and they'll cash your check. They're good people. They probably don't do checks anymore and have debit cards now so would be even riper for exploitation plus their finger-prints lifted from the card to be used later
ReplyDeleteaw